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For those of us who are single and looking for real love, going to the bar is more than just a fun way to enjoy a night out with friends. The bar represents a world of possibility—at least in theory. In reality, it tends to lead to too much time in dead-end conversations or something resembling conversations with the wrong people.

Harlene
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A friend of mine who lives in Boston once told me that straight guys from Boston loved girls from New York City because they were so much friendlier at bars.

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He acted out a scene for me where he used an oddly low voice for himself and an impressively high, piercing voice for the girl such vocal range! About a month later, I went to visit a friend in Boston. We were talking with her roommate when Uber Pool came up.

I always give the Punch Buggy example. This is called selective attention. So to keep an open mind here, all of that could explain what happened next.

I started noticing a rash of people not wanting to meet anybody. G uys were not interested in picking up girls. They wanted to hang with each other, alone, or platonically with their larger mixed group.

People stood in tight circles, talked and laughed, and then left with the people they came with. There was none of the itchy bar hopping that happens when someone in the crew is on the hunt. What gives? A few theories. One is as I stated above, that nothing gives.

Maybe this is all part of the Baader-Meinof phenomenon and people are still meeting at bars just as much as they ever were before. Two is that dating apps have made us lazy. Why put on a clean shirt to go out to maybe attract someone else when you could instead just not give a fuck with your friends?

Using them less. Caring less.

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The third theory sits where so many of mine seem to these days: in age. The scene is old, and so is that bright-eyed, anything-can-happen-tonight possibility of meeting someone new.

A friend of mine started meeting with a real-life matchmaker. Whatever the reasoning, the bright spot is that we seem to be turning back hard toward our friends.

How nice to go out as we did in college, for no reason other than to get weird with one another. In some ways, I think this is what they mean when they talk about being present. To quote that Talking He lyric in every single dating app bio Baader-Meinof again?

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